I love this test… it’s relatively accurate, fun and fast. It also confirms most of what I already know about myself
What aspects of personality does this tell me about?
There has been much research on how people describe others, and five major dimensions of human personality have been found. They are often referred to as the OCEAN model of personality, because of the acronym from the names of the five dimensions.

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Openness to Experience/Intellect
High scorers tend to be original, creative, curious, complex; Low scorers tend to be conventional, down to earth, narrow interests, uncreative.
You enjoy having novel experiences and seeing things in new ways. (Your percentile: 88)

Conscientiousness
High scorers tend to be reliable, well-organized, self-disciplined, careful; Low scorers tend to be disorganized, undependable, negligent.
You tend to do things somewhat haphazardly. (Your percentile: 35)

Extraversion
High scorers tend to be sociable, friendly, fun loving, talkative; Low scorers tend to be introverted, reserved, inhibited, quiet.
You are neither particularly social or reserved. (Your percentile: 59)

Agreeableness
High scorers tend to be good natured, sympathetic, forgiving, courteous; Low scorers tend to be critical, rude, harsh, callous.
You are good-natured, courteous, and supportive. (Your percentile: 87)

Neuroticism
High scorers tend to be nervous, high-strung, insecure, worrying; Low scorers tend to be calm, relaxed, secure, hardy.
You aren’t particularly nervous, nor calm. (Your percentile: 43)

I’ve been house-sitting for the past couple of days, and will be until Thursday… there’s something about being alone that leads you to insights. For example:

Being alone is enjoyable only for a few hours. Eventually you start to crave human conversation and either turn the TV on low or listen to an audiobook.

Sleeping late is a luxury only provided by the knowledge that there are others who are awake when you aren’t. I find myself getting up earlier and earlier every day, and can’t help but wonder if, like my dad, I’ll be getting up at 5:30 by the time Thursday rolls around! It’s unlikely, but I definitely am not sleeping later than seven.

Cooking is fun, but cooking for one takes some of the enjoyment out of it. First off, the portion sizes are too small, and second, it’s a lot of clean up work for the meal satisfaction of one person. Ultimately, I find myself eating peanut butter and jelly more than usual. Also, yogurt.

You’re much more likely to sing at the top of your lungs if you know nobody will be around to tell you to stop. I’ve got about three songs that have become a medley when I’m getting dressed, cooking (see above) etc. They start off in my head, gravitate to a few hummed lines, and next thing I know, the dog is looking at me like I’m crazy.

In some ways, I’m enjoying myself… seeing what I’m like with no one around me.. what I’m like “normally.” I’m much more boring than I thought. In other ways, I crave the company of my family, and ultimately, I’m looking forward to being back home after Thursday.

It’s important to remember that something better is just around the bend.

“Perhaps one day when tear filled eyes Behold the lightening streaked skies, I’ll no more doubt the darkening day, And rather to my Father say, ‘I trust you, Jesus, all the way.’”

Somewhere, something is happening today that involves the future of my academic career. I’m not sure exactly where, or exactly what the outcome will be, but something is happening.

Basically, I’m waiting on some news regarding a grad program. I have it on good authority that some final decisions are being made today, and I should know either tomorrow or in the week(s) to come what the outcome is.
… I’m anxious to find out. I’ve had a hard time fighting this sort of hazy disconnected feeling that pervaded my work at the preschool this morning, lunch with my dad, work in the office, and now stats class.

Is that a sign of a failure to trust God? I’m really trying to maintain perspective and the understanding that His timing and plan is the best, better than anything I could determine for myself, and whatever happens, it will be good. That’s such a difficult thing to do.

We talked in Bible class yesterday about “taking reason captive and placing it under obedience to Christ.” I forget sometimes how much of a fight my humanity puts up when I’m truly trying to “delight myself in the Lord,” as Psalms says. When you’ve convinced yourself that the thing you want is something that would be a service to God too, well, then it’s exponentially harder. Because then your desire isn’t selfish or self interested, it’s virtuous. And I truly believe that I’ve the best of intentions, but I have to remember that even a virtuous intention, if misplaced, is still wrong.

Lord, help me to trust you, without making plans for myself! If I’m to truly delight myself in Him, as the psalm says, then that means I’m happy in whatever He’s planned for me. I can only hope for now that my desire and the hope that I’m carrying right now is in fact one that He’s given me, as a passion and a calling, and that He will be glorified in it.

Until I know the answer… I wait.

…. is it possible to feel anxious and calm at the same time?? I think that’s the best way to describe how I feel right now.

Well, it’s official – I’m graduating this semester. I just got done handing in my application for degree at the dean’s office – which was deceptively simple. Part of me feels like this was all a little too easy and that when I’m finally ready to walk out on stage to get my degree, they’ll stop me because of an unchecked box or something like that. Admittedly, I still have to finish writing and defend the thesis, which will not be nearly so easy, and then there’s the departmental colloquium that I have to do at the end of the semester… but that all important paperwork has still been filed. I’ve been at this university for the past six years – SIX! Whether I’ll be here for another two or not is yet to be determined.

The only thing I had a problem with was when the form asked “Will you be continuing your studies at FAU?” What should I have put? I have no idea. I sat there looking at that little box for a while. Ultimately I checked the ‘no’ box because I figured that if nothing else, I can always reapply back into the university. I’m just going to close my eyes, stick my leg out in front of me, and walk, trusting God to take me where I’m supposed to go, while also trying to not care about where that is.

… it was terribly satisfying when the secretary took the paper and asked, “So what is this degree for – bachelor’s? Second bachelors?” “No,” I said. “Master’s.” Heh.

Though calmly face I the peaceful sea
I know that this shall not always be
Tis easier when calm to say
“My God, I trust your will always”
When heavy clouds shade up the sky
And wind the frothy sea whips by
Then cast away is my façade of trust
And my faith begins to turn to dust
“Why, oh Lord,” I begin to cry
And inwardly do moan and sigh
Tis then, I know with surety
That my walk and faith lacks purity
Perhaps one day when tear filled eyes
Behold the lightening streaked skies
I’ll no more doubt the darkening day
And rather to my Father say
“Abba, Father hear my plea
Grant courage now, continually
To not give up, nor ne’er give in
Lest fear allows the evil win
Though my path cannot be seen
Help me still this comfort glean
That though clouds hide the Son’s bright ray
Thy hand wilt ever guide me all the way.”

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

I find it ironic that as soon as you make an observation about something, it often ceases to be true. For instance, if you were to say, “Well, crazy Aunt Belinda certainly has been quiet these past few weeks. I can’t hardly remember the last time she practiced her oboe at two in the morning.” Invariably, it would be either that night or the next that you’d wake up hearing off-key renditions of “Claire De Lune” right when you’re in the middle of a REM cycle.

Am I overemphasizing a possible phenomenon? Maybe. Of course, if this actually is true (and follow my logic here, it may get loopy,) then my observance of this phenomenon would cause it to no longer occur, rendering it ineffective. So, if I say, “as you make an observation about something, it often ceases to be true” and that statement is actually true, then by my saying it, the next time I or someone else makes an observation it would not dissolve. Therefore, because I argued that point, Aunt Belinda would continue to be quiet at night, rendering my immediate position inaccurate. However, on a larger scale it would prove my logic because I cancelled out my observation. In doing so, I would be wiping out the murphy-esque law of irony but by the same token be proving it. If that didn’t happen and my hypothesis weren’t cancelled, then my statement would still be accurate and Aunt Belinda would be keeping the neighbors awake as soon as you noticed she wasn’t.

Either way I’m right?

… It’s amazing the things you think of when you have a part time job that doesn’t require much thought.

It’s off to work we go with a sigh and a whoaa, how did I not get all that done??

It’s all still manageable. I’ve kept my cool for exactly one week now, and I’m not about to let it pass just yet. For some reason it’s much easier to write things that are non essential to academic survival! Hopefully I’ll be able to buckle down here in a moment and get some real work done.

I’ll be heading up to Mansfield this weekend for my Grandfather’s funeral. He had alzheimer’s disease and was very frail at the end; it’s good to know that he’s at peace now.

This Christmas was fairly different from years before, and I found myself sort of lacking in terms of the “Christmas Spirit” – I wasn’t feeling all bubbly and excited and just didn’t have the ‘mood’ that normally accompanies that time of year. I didn’t have the Christmas blues or anything like that; I just felt sort of regular, like I felt for any day of the week, you know? To my surprise, I found that my sisters up in Canada were feeling the same way, and I started to wonder if we all didn’t have some unrealistic expectations for the holiday, as well as some misplaced sources of cheer. From these musings came this poem on Christmas day. Again, my poetry isn’t perfect, or even very good – the meter is always a mess, and sentiments don’t always come out as they should, but it is what it is. May God be glorified.

Christmas Spirit

A curious thing happened today
This quiet Christmas morn
I’d been tired, and quiet, and a little unsettled
On the day that Christ was born

The tree had not seemed so merry and green
The decorations did not seem so bright
Not many holiday songs were sung
Few “Jingle Bells” and “Silent Nights”

My gifts were wrapped and ready for giving
This time was anticipated all year
But no thrill of excitement lifted my heart
And I noticed a distinct lack of Christmas cheer

I snacked on Christmas cookies all day
Watched the specials on television
And still I waited for the holiday spirit to come
But came no joy, no emotional season’s provision

I wondered if something was wrong with me
If perhaps like the Grinch I’d gone sour
When I remembered that the joy of Christmas time
Comes from a higher power

In shame I knelt beside my bed
And prayed to the Father above
Asking forgiveness and thanking Him
For that gift of His wonderful love

That babe that was born is what lifts my heart
Jesus who gives me Christmas joy
His coming to earth that blessed day
As a meek and helpless little boy

I pray I never forget that gift
The first offering on Christmas Eve
And when I anticipate the season’s arrival
May it be His spirit I receive.