On Partisan Approaches to Christianity

After some prayerful consideration, I’ve decided to remove my blog post from this site, only out of a desire to show respect to the people I initially addressed in the content, as well as to avoid “airing dirty laundry.” There are appropriate avenues for expressing concerns and grievances (Matt 18:15), and I think that my public blog that is open to the world is not one of them. My hope and prayer is that we might all avoid vain disputations that might otherwise take away from our fellowship and unity, and focus on the Biblical precepts that are available to guide our future action.

Almost there….

Only a week left of classes for this semester… I can hardly believe it. It seems like only last week I was freaking out about whether I’d even pass this program, or wind up flunking out as a miserable excuse for a grad student. Oh, wait! That was last week! (hehehe)

In all seriousness, I couldn’t be more thankful for the way things are going lately. God has been working things for the better to an astounding extent. I’m getting my research done, my proposals approved, my coursework done… and I know that this has nothing to do with my own abilities. I mean, intellectually, it’s there, but in terms of the mental and time commitment and ability to organize, it’s all God. I’m the kind of person who, if there’s something to be done that I don’t want to do, it doesn’t get done – or if it does, it’s a slipknot, hold your breath and try not to drop the water balloon kind of finishing. And I’m not a planner – it’s just not me, really. By nature I tend to be a spontaneous action, it will all wash out in the end kind of person. I won’t say that I like these qualities, or that I count them as strengths, but an honest appraisal of yourself is the first step to growth. And, when you’re in grad school, you really can’t be that way; it’s very easy for things to fall apart.

I’m so thankful that I’ve had the opportunity this semester to grow with God. That He’s helped me to step outside of my academic and personal comfort zones to work on the parts of my personality that need improvement, as well as to discover the strength that can be found when you trust in Him.

Well, I’ve got a take-home final to work on. Ten pages by Thursday, double spaced, so it’s more or less five single spaced… that’s doable… with God’s help The next one is due the following Tuesday, for my peer relations class – a six page support or rebuttle of an article stating that parents aren’t necessary for the social and moral development of children…. THAT’s going to be a fun one!
After that, I’m home free! Until January that is, but graduation is coming up awfully fast

Hope in Poetry

I’m taking a few minutes for a break from the thesis proposal (only a few more pages to go and I’m done!! For the last time!! It goes to the committee on Monday!!! ) and found this poem I’d written a while back. It speaks from a beautiful experience I made with God in trying to understand His will for me. While I may not have all the answers, in Him I have a magnificent consolation that He is with me all the way, directing as each step moves forward.

Guided Victories

I had almost lost hope
In the things God had said
And the battle raged around me
While my heart was filled with dread
I knew He’d made a promise
And I knew He would be true
But I couldn’t seem to see any way
That Christ could bring me through.

The Word said, “Trust the Lord with all
Your strength, with all your might.”
But I felt too weak to trust Him,
And felt too scared to fight
Perhaps I’d forfeit just this once,
Let the devil get the best of me
But Christ came to me, spoke peace to me,
And then won for me the victory.

The outcome was not
What I thought it should be
The final triumph God had won
Was so strange and new to me
And still, in spite of my perception
I know it is better by far
Than any future I could build myself
Or dream up, wishing on a star.

How blessed to know
That my future is secure
Knowing my faith has a foundation
In the God whose strength is sure
No battle can be desperate
Nor can doubts my heart retain
Because I’ve seen the glory of God’s love
And He’s made my pathway plain.

Psalm 32:11 – Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, ye righteous: and shout for joy, all ye that are upright in heart.

A minute to catch up

So, things have continued to be crazy lately, in a benign sort of way. I’ve got a thesis proposal (35 pages, all told) due Friday, I’m conducting an adult study alongside a child study, I’m going to preschools around town to try to convince them to let me test their kids, two take home exams that are due at the beginning of next month, and class duties for my TA-ship. Oh, and I’m supposed to have a life on top of it all. It’s a lot, but truly by God’s grace I’m holding on and making it through. It’s kind of scary though for someone like me, who has never really needed extensive time management skills, to be juggling so many deadlines and responsibilities all at once – it’s a whole new territory, and sometimes I feel like I’m hanging on by my fingernails. But having said that, this is a great growth experience for increasing the areas that I’m lacking in (like time management), and God truly helps to deal with it all. Keep me in your prayers, and I know I’ll be fine

Okay, so that’s my life at the moment, I’ll be back when things have calmed down a bit, or if I have a breather in the morning sometime

Crazy Busy

Hello everyone! Sorry I haven’t been blogging lately – things have just been completely crazy with school and life in general. Rest assured, I’ll start again once things calm down a bit!

Quirky thought

So, I’m sitting here, working like mad to get my thesis proposal revisions finished, and a thought pops into my head: “I would really like to learn how to ride a unicycle.”

Is that odd, that I’d want to learn unicycling? It’s like the epitome of the whole, “look ma, no hands!” thing. You could use your hands to do any number of things while getting from point A to point B. Carry books. Eat a sandwich. Juggle koosh balls.

Anyways, back to the salt mines of academia. Except that now I want a unicycle.

Heading home

Well, it’s been a great few days up here in Mansfield for the Youth Sing – I’ve had a lot of fun and a lot of great experiences. Being able to see Becky and Robbie here to was an added blessing; I had such a great time with them. Having a non stop flight on the way home will be nice too – no extended waits or horrifying delays!
South Florida, I’m on my way!

Conciliatory Applications

It’s extremely frustrating trying to reconcile my own hesitation, frustrations and misgivings (not to mention those of my parents) with the convictions regarding this new path of teaching that I’m turning toward. The knowledge that money will be much tighter as a teacher than as a psychologist, that my future wife (who ever she is) will probably have to work throughout our marriage due to necessity rather than option, and that living in Florida on a teacher’s salary will be risky if at all possible, is enough to give even the most lofty dreamer pause. So, where does the very practical component of daily living and survival meet the also very practical component of doing what God wants you to do?

Mom and Dad (understandably) want me to go on to another psychology program. I don’t know what I want. I want to be able to teach and make a living at it. More importantly, I want to do God’s will, but the fact of the matter is that I don’t trust myself to make any decisions based on spiritual conviction because of all the other times I’ve stepped out in faith wrongly, only to have the door that I thought I was supposed to go through be closed. How can I trust myself to make those decisions when the times that I’ve been willing to take a stand turn out to be the wrong ones??

So do I take the path that my spiritually sound and sensible parents suggest? Do I take the path that my wise and understanding grandparents suggest? I feel like no matter what I choose, I’ll wind up disappointing someone. And I realize that, to a certain extent, I have to be willing to make a choice in which not everyone will be happy (even if that’s me). But the one person I absolutely cannot disappoint is God. And yet, when I’m having such a hard time figuring out what His expectations are, how can I be sure I’m not disappointing Him?

So I guess I’ll have to make the safest choice and apply to the education program this fall as well as to all the psych programs across North America that I ma fit into. I guess I’ll have to leave the deciding up to God, and if I don’t get into any psych programs, I’ll know that teaching was the path to take.

I’ll be honest though, I’m really feeling disappointed with myself for not being more sure, more close to God. I feel like when it comes to discerning my path in life and in my communications with God, I’ve been a failure. I don’t like that.

Laptoooop!

Murphy’s law dictates that if I take my broken laptop to the mac store to have them look at it, if it is under warranty it will act normally. If the warranty has gone out, it will promptly explode upon examination by the mac staff, resulting in repairs in excess of one hundred million dollars.

Or something like that. Either way, it’s driving me crazy not having a computer! I never realized how much I used it throughout my day. Need to send an email? Open the laptop. Need a definition? Open the laptop. Need to order a textbook? Open the laptop? Hungry? … Go.. to the kitchen…

The computer is at the mothership store right now, and they’re conducting “stress tests” to see if what I say regarding the laptops’ schizophrenia is true. That thing had better not make me out to be a liar….

Reading for entertainment? How vulgar!

I officially have one week left before the fall semester begins, and I am milking it for all it’s worth! Normally I don’t multitask very well at all, but I’ve been doing it with my readings lately. I’m reading about four books at once to try to cram in as much pleasure reading as possible. No, it’s not like I’ve got four books open in front of me and I’m reading one page at a time, but I’ll read a few chapters from one in the morning, some chapters from another during lunch, and go back and forth between two in the evening.

I’ve got to get my reading in now, because once classes start up it will all be textbook chapters and journal articles. It’s shameful the way they can destroy your love of reading. It’s like … well… it’s like making someone eat ONLY tostitos pizza rolls morning noon and night who LOVES tostitos pizza rolls. (I happen to love pizza rolls and went on a binge one summer… I can now only eat them perhaps once a year. le sigh…) Ah well, it’s necessary, so I’ll suffer through. I don’t understand the people who read intellectual journal articles for fun though… I mean, I get the whole “knowledge is power” thing, but come on! Some times Adler can wait while you sink your teeth into some Pride and Predjudice.

It’s interesting how I had to shift from “television watching” mode to “reading” mode – the first two books I read through last week took me a while to adjust – My eyes seemed to have forgotten the ‘following word after word and then shift down a line’ trick. This week, however, I’m able to go for several hours at a time without any problems. I love reading….

PS- I also found out last week in talking to my friend Brian that I have never read “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.” How shameful is that?! As I read it now, pictures keep flopping up in my head of a young Elijah Wood. Stupid movies.